Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Second September Without You

On the first day of Caitlin's birth, the nurses cleaned and dressed her and took pictures. In those first pictures she wears this multicolored cap that volunteers knit for babies in the NICU. They laid her in my arms, those first days of September wearing that hat. This past year, I came across this bear in a sale bin. My eye was drawn to it because of the colors; they reminded me of Caitlin wearing that cap in those first days after her birth. I picked it up and saw "September" stitched over the bear's heart. And I smiled.

To mark Cailtin's second birthday, I put together some pictures from her first days. Among the pictures are short videos of me talking and singing to her. The lyrics in the music punctuate my thoughts, "I'm thinking of you."; "Was this be part of the plan?"; "What's left for me to do?"; and "I didn't want to say goodbye."

Happy Birthday, my little sweetie. I miss you.


23 comments:

  1. Happy birthday, dear Caitlin. And (((hugs))) to your mommy.

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  2. Sending you so much love on your precious Caitlin's Birthday.

    xxxxxx

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  3. She's a beauty and so precious...and so sweetly held and cherished by her mommy. Thoughts and prayers for you today.

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  4. Perfect love.

    Tears and hugs.

    xxx

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  5. Happy Birthday to Caitlin.
    Holding Cait's Mom in my thoughts.

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  6. She's so precious. I'm so sorry she isn't here.
    That noise, those alarms, stir something deep inside my heart. I'm sure that you know what I mean..
    This video is a beautiful way to share sweet Caitlin..
    Much love,
    Lindsay

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  7. I'm sorry you are hurting today but it makes me happy to know that I share my birthday with Caitlin. Big hugs to you...

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  8. Beautiful. Sending you love, hugs, and wishes for peace.

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  9. This video is absolutely lovely, and so is Caitlin. Thinking of you today, and sending much love.

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  10. I just recently discovered your blog. You're a beautiful writer. Thank you for sharing Caitlin with all of us.

    I'm so sorry your little girl isn't here with you. My heart goes out to you. I understand your pain.

    Hugs.

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  11. Caitlin was so beautiful! My heart broke and swelled at the same time when you gently touched her cheek. Thank you so much for sharing those moments with us.

    Remembering your sweet and dearly loved Caitlin today on her second birthday.

    The bear is just right too.

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  12. The bear was Caitlin's way of saying hello to her mom. Happy birthday angel Caitlin. You are missed so very much. I wish you were in your mom's arms holding her tight.

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  13. Happy birthday little Caitlin.

    I'm so sorry you can't celebrate the day with her.

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  14. Oh my. So very sweet. Just look at those little cheeks :)

    Thank you for sharing this with us.

    Happy birthday sweet girl. How I wish you were here with your mama.

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  15. A mother's love really is beyond measure. Those videos are such beautiful memories of your time with Caitlin. Seeing her beautiful little face and your perfect love for her moved me to tears.

    Remembering Caitlin with you today. xo

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  16. Beautiful, sweet girl. Her face looked so peaceful as she held your finger.

    I'm so sorry. Remembering Caitlin. xo

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  17. Caitlin is lovely. Thank you for sharing this. I love the shot of her puckering her little lips. I remember that of Henry. I love watching you sing to her. I wish she were in your lap today, listening to her mama sing.

    Hugs.

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  18. Caitlin is a beautiful spirit. That September and for all time.

    XOXO

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  19. oh my god. i'm having a hard time swallowing after watching that, especially the video portions. i love her little nursing lips and that beautiful hat. i'm so sorry you're not still holding your precious Caitlin. she was so gorgeous and perfect.

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  20. MISSing beautiful Caitlin with you... she is soooo beautiful and you made a touching video of her. Thanks for sharing your princes with us.

    XO, C

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  21. Just beautiful. Caitlin was such a sweet, sweet darling. Your love for her just pours out in that video. Thank you for sharing.

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  22. That is a beautiful video. Oh to see her in a video, moving around and in your arms. (((((((((hugs)))))))))

    Your time singing to her..... it was so lovely to watch her listening. That segment reminded me so much of our time in the NICU and how we have to carve out these private moments amongst the goings on's of the unit.

    I feel honoured to have seen this. Thank you.

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