Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Closing it Down

Well, it's here. The day when the blog has reached an end of usefulness and healing. I no longer feel free to write from my heart. Once I began to know the people who were reading in real life and their belief systems of religious, political, and family make-up, I naturally began to censor my thoughts or apologize for expressing myself truthfully when I thought it would offend. At times it's come to feel like a one-way-communication vehicle for others to read my thoughts, make judgments about me, without reciprocation. That's by design, it's what the blog e-life is set up to do, and I voluntarily engaged in it. But, I decided that those who wish to know what's in my heart, and may know me in real life, that we will have to go back to engaging in real conversation.

I'm closing it down after a couple of days so that those I've met online might catch my words of gratitude, because I only know you in the e-world. Thank you for being a supportive caring community--one I didn't know existed until I made myself vulnerable and took a chance to "write it all out there."

Finally, remembering my daughter, Caitlin Anne always, and thanking her for parenting my heart since her birth and death. She and I will continue the journey together, but I can no longer share that journey in this manner. Peace dear friends and family. Always, peace.


  1. I'm having a difficult time, trying to type through my tears. I don't want you to go. I guess that is very selfish of me, I apologize. You have lifted me, when I'm certain you had no idea you were doing so. You have inspired me to try and be gentler...with myself and others. I will forever appreciate you. And, Caitlin will never be forgotten by me. Loving you always.

  2. And, I wrote that last comment about being gentle before reading your Jan.10th post.

  3. I am very sorry to hear this, for varying reasons.

    If you would like to keep in touch, please find me on Facebook. Lori Lavender Luz.

    I wish you well. Hugs to you.

  4. thank you for sharing your words here. wishing you peace in the future.
    -reba from MISS

  5. I'm sorry to see your blog close down. Thank you for your writing and your support - it has been so appreciated.

    Love to you and Caitlin. Wishing you peace.

  6. Always remembering your Caitlin. I am so sorry that you don't feel safe in this space. I always looked forward to your blog posts. I think you are so respectful and I feel a breath of fresh air when you talk politics, mainly because so many other people don't. I don't, actually, so perhaps that makes me a hypocrite. Anyway, all I'm saying is you will be missed in these parts. Sending love. xo

  7. I have not commented much of late, but I have enjoyed reading you since I found your blog. I'll miss your voice.

  8. I am so sorry you feel the need to close your blog and I totally understand. Happened with my blog to. Once you feel you have to censor yourself it seems pointless. Thankyou for sharing beautiful Caitlin with us and for your refreshing honesty. If you wish to share your blogging with me sometime in the future please let know. Wishing you much peace.
    Sophie xx

  9. Oh I will miss your voice.

    If you ever begin blogging elsewhere please let me know.

    Remembering Caitlin Anne with you always and wishing you all good things.


  10. Dear Caitsmom,
    I am not sure what happened, but hope your heart heals from this new hurt. I have so enjoyed your writing and have frequently derived great comfort from your words and kinship in this strange world of grief. I will keep you and your sweet Caitlin in my thoughts always, and thank you for what your blog has meant to me.

  11. I have been thankful to you for sharing your heart, your daughter and everything else. I'm a birth doula who specializes in being with families during pregnancy and birth after they have lost a little one through miscarriage or stillbirth. I found your blog and have felt your honesty and truthfulness come flowing through. Thank you for that..I will carry your words on to other mothers who need them.

    Here's hoping you start another invite-only blog someday. You have a clear and true voice, please don't silence it on account of narrow minded others.

    all the best,

  12. I understand you completely. Thank you for letting us know and some time to respond. I'd love to stay in touch, also, I made a beach pebble carving for Caitlin ages ago and would love to send it to you. Maybe you could email me forwardtumbles(at)

    Thank you for blogging with us

    xxx Ines

  13. I will miss your voice and your perspective, but I'm wishing you peace and healing as you move on and do what is best for you. Should you ever want to come back, you'll be welcome.

    I am so glad and grateful that you shared your beautiful daughter with us. You and Caitlin touched so many, and you certainly touched me. I'll hold her (and you) in my thoughts and memory.

  14. You are going to be missed! Sorry that you feel the need to close this blog. Wishing you all the best. Thinking of Caitlin with you. ((HUGS))

  15. I will miss reading your words here.

    Remembering your dear Caitlin Anne xo

  16. I'll miss you but understand completely. Perhaps we'll pass by in MISS. ((((hugs)))) and peace.

  17. I'm very sorry to hear this, and sorrier still to think you don't feel free to express yourself honestly here. I wish you all the best & hope to see you writing again in the future.

  18. Thank you for sharing so many real and true parts of yourself. It's a brave thing, to put ourselves out there. I wish everyone did so it was fair game. But, it's understandable that these things can have a shelf life, for whatever reason.
    I will never forget Caitlin. Hope to see you on MISS.
    Sending love and support.

  19. I am so sorry that you do not feel this is beneficial or a safe place any more. I have to admit I am not the best commenter, but i do follow and read your posts through this journey, and they always seem to reflect some of my own feelings and make me feel not as alone. you will be truly missed, and I hope you find a peaceful place to continue your journey and express your true emotions. I will never forget you or Caitlin

  20. I always enjoyed reading your blog since I found it. You have no idea how your words have helped me on this journey. I will miss your voice. Always remembering Caitlin with you.

    Noelle's mom from MISS

  21. You'll be sorely missed, that's for sure. You are always so gentle, kind and wise.
    I'll certainly always remember your precious Caitlin.
    Wishing you peace for your future.
    With love,

  22. I'm sorry I'm just now seeing this farewell. I had lost touch. Your words will be missed in the blogosphere. Your voice was unique and thoughtful. Wishing you much peace.

  23. p.s. I meant to write to tell you that I was going to link to that post I asked you if I could link to. I find I want to share and express those things right now. Thank you so much for allowing it.