Tuesday, September 2, 2008

A Letter to Heaven

My Dear Daughter, 

     I struggle to find words to tell you how much you are loved and missed here. Though, I know you see my heart and can read the words inside me, I wish to find the profound prose to mark your first birthday, a birthday you will celebrate in heaven. But, language falls short, and there is no place in a letter for the song of my soul. I smile to know that you made it that day, you lived and I truly believe that you meant to stay here with us. 

     I promised you the day you left us, that I would treasure all of the motherhood you gave me--successes and failures. I have not forgotten our spiritual conversation that day. I continue to strive to be the kind of mother you deserve, and I thank you for inspiring that purpose within me. Seems that later in life is when a parent might observe how her own child has shaped, changed, and formed her as an individual. Makes sense that the realization that the child, in turn, raises the parent should occur in response to a mother reflecting on how she raised her child. But, you and I have had to progress to that stage before it is natural to do so. 

     I work everyday to accept the role of parenting your memory, as you parent my heart. Life is hard without you here. Instead of fading with time, I miss you more each day. There is some healing, sweet baby girl, and I am getting stronger and more able to carry this grief. But, I would trade any of this growth of character for the opportunity to experience more of our mother-daughter life journey together. I would allow the wisdom of this wound to wash away for the privilege of being a mother with earthly tasks, the joys and the challenges. Love in real time, real hugs and real kisses, and songs sung while watching your sweet face, would be preferable to any lesson learned along this sorrowful journey. 

     Watch over me from heaven angel daughter, I'll need your help with each step forward and your presence when I stop to rest. 

With Eternal Love, 

Your Mother

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