PTSD

I teach. And the lecture today was about some things about how the brain develops. There's some "chatter" about synapses and density and such and there is info about what age certain things happen in the brain. It's here when I hear myself say, "until about the mid-70s, unless there is a disease that may interfere with the healthy density of synapses and rapid firing of those synapses in the brain." Then I look down and hear myself speak, "and of course PTSD affects that too." And my brain takes a worm hole back to the past, when a year ago, I was struggling to spell words on the board as I lectured from this same spot in the room, and began stuttering as I struggled to stay focused and not feel so scared, and where I tried--desperately tried to think. During that acute grief, I simply could not think.

When we teach we typically use an anecdote to illustrate a point. It sticks when the students know the person whose telling the story. But, this anecdote of

When my daughter died, my brain stopped working well. I experienced Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. It was like slog. I couldn't remember anything. I couldn't spell. I couldn't speak. Numbers were gone from my memory; I even forgot the date of my anniversary. And the fear, the overwhelming fear.

Wasn't shared. I stared at the floor for what seemed like an eternity to me. While the slog returned, and finally lifted my heavy head, and asked with blank and tired eyes, "Any questions?" I begged in my head that no one would speak.