Blogging and Healing

Some bloggers have written in the past (and recently) about when their real life family and friends discover or read their blogs. Some find it disconcerting that real life and e-life has met on the blogosphere. Others have invited their family and/or friends from real life, then found it to be frustrating. Still others fear that the blog will be discovered. And even though they may track visitors by area of the country, it's not like they get a "Hi, Sweetie, it's me your BFF from HS!!!" Instead the blogger can be left to wonder, "Has my e-life been discovered?" Often the follow-up question is "And how do I feel about that?" Still others have a completely open blog to friends and family as well as their e-life friends and family.

I'm convinced that the bereaved community (and the IF community) blogs a bit differently than perhaps other bloggers. I tend to read confessions of real life struggles. Dead baby mamas tend not to waste time painting themselves as better than perfect; they don't have the energy because they are busy trying to survive. I also tend to read "thinking out loud" posts, when the bereaved make sense of how their lives are situated living without their child. (I do quite a bit of this.) We also write stories of what real life looks like and feels like now. The trip to the grocery store means something more than getting a jug of milk; it can be a painful emotional roller coaster ride. I've read plenty of honest rumination of past firmly-held beliefs. The bereaved seem to be fearless in pulling their beliefs apart and refashioning them to help them survive. The bereaved blogger also seems fearless in tackling the expression of ambiguous emotions (what others call negative emotions) of anger, jealousy, rage, and depression. Sometimes the rants remain as rants, but most often the blogger will write his or her own resolution and usually, in my opinion, finds a healing way to live in the "normal" world where babies don't die. That process of acknowledging emotions, telling stories, exploring life philosophies, and sending out e-hugs in the form of comments to other bereaved is a primary reason for blogging.

Why blog? Why not just keep a diary, or use your real life support group of family and friends?

Well, navigating the normal world when traveling a grief journey typically takes longer than most of the "normals" understand. Some will say "move on," hint at moving on, or ignore the dead child. Some who read wonder at the raw emotion that leaps off the net, and think that we are wallowing. There is so much more to write on this subject, but I'll close with this.

For me, blogging has been an immense help to me by being a vehicle to explore, express, and find meaning. Although, I had/have lots of support from family and friends, I could tell I was wearing them down. And help comes in the form of the many comments fellow bloggers leave in support, and in reading the many posts of other parents who struggle with many kinds of loss. Sometimes I have nothing to post, so I work on healing by leaving as many comments as possible.