To Those Who See Thestrals in Real Life

I'm veering onto a path of popular culture to share one of the ways I try to explain to others this phenomenon of recognizing death. The lens I use since Caitlin's death, and what I see when I look at the world through my eyes--the eyes of a bereaved parent. It's a little like Harry and Luna in "The Order of the Phoenix," one of the Harry Potter movies.

There's a scene where Harry is on his way to Hogwarts with his friends and he turns around and looks behind him.


HIs friends remain fixated at what lies ahead, but Harry turns around and sees what was and what is. Thestrals. Ugly creatures and yet gentle, because they know what they are. Visible reminders that death is real.



He asks, "Don't you see them? What's pulling the carriage." And his friend answers, "Nothing's pulling the carriage, Harry. It's pulling itself just like it always does." Ah, the luxury of ignorance.



He meets Luna, who assures him that he sees what he sees. She's quite calm about it as she can see them too. We find out later in the film that Harry and Luna see the Thestrals because they have witnessed death. And that's a bit what it's like seeing through bereaved eyes--We recognize each other. We know the look of seeing death. Other's will look past it, but we will see it in the eyes of our fellow bereaved. We will hear it in the careful words they choose to use in answering "How many children do you have?"

Other's who without this death experience believe that life gets pulled by itself "just like it always does," and those who have seen death know that sometimes what pulls us through life is the knowing that it (death) does and can happen. We need the Thestrals to pull the carriage, because left to ourselves we would melt in despair on the forest floor.



To those who see Thestrals, I echo what Luna says, "It's OK, you're not crazy. I see them too."