A Fifth Season is a place of pause to grieve the death of my first and only child. A season characterized by reflection on the big stuff and the little stuff that this mom encounters as I parent the memory of my child, and my child, in loving return, parents my heart.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Back from RealLife
Welcome ICLWeS! I'm back and happy to report some success in my endeavors to pay attention to real life! During my hiatus from e-life, I did have to go off and do a bit of work. But on my drive home, I took a few detours---into Wine country.
In celebration of engaging and enjoying real life, I visited three wineries. I tasted a few (make that several) wines and bought a couple of bottles. Who knew that Virginia is 5th in the nation for wine production? Well, now I know, thanks to a lovely lady who poured a Chambourcin for my tasting at Cave Ridge Vineyard.
I think I enjoyed veering off my path the most. There is something quite liberating in letting the schedule be and just go. I drove into the Virginia country side. I waved back at the people who waved to me as I passed by, as though they knew me. I drove slowly and stopped to take pictures and talk to strangers about grapes, vines, and whether chocolate or cheese would go best with a wine made from Norton grapes! And all the while, I'm intimately aware that this is evidence that I am a survivor, and that it's possible to engage, and yes, even enjoy, life after the death of my precious daughter. And, that it's OK to live again---it's OK.
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Yes, yes, yes! You are a survivor, and it is OK to live again. I am shedding streaming tears of relief and quiet joy for you right now. It's OK. Sending you so much love. You are a courageous warrior! You are an inspiration and a blessing in my life.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, just noticing...your posts almost always make me cry. And, that's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! What fun!!! Wine is so yummy, although I've never visited a vineyard. The pictures are wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy you had a nice time in 'real' life. Nice to have you back here too. :)
ReplyDeletePeace.
Thanks for stopping by my blog for ICLW! I'm glad to hear that you can enjoy life again. It's so hard when you are grieving. Big hugs!
ReplyDeleteSO happy to hear that you are able to enjoy yourself.
ReplyDeleteILCW
Beautiful! Yeah it is okay to enjoy life again. Am nearly there. Can see it sometimes. Hopefully not too far behind you.
ReplyDeleteGreat pics. Wishing I could drink some wine right now.
The "wining" sounds great! I think a trip into "real" life is really important, and I will probably need one myself one of these days. I'm glad you're back.
ReplyDeleteIt is OK to live! Isn't it nice when that feeling overcomes you? Your pictures are beautiful. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. I love wine and wineries.
ReplyDelete*ICLW*
As a former resident of the central coast of California, I can definitely testify to the healing properties of driving through rolling vineyards. I'm glad you got a chance to get away.
ReplyDelete((((hugs)))) Happy ICLW!
I think the turning moment in your grief is not when it goes away (because it never does) but when it has become such a part of you that you are comfortable with it. The day that you realized you've grow into your grief is a good day. Your beautiful daughter is always with you. My prayers are with you and looking forward to your new-found acceptance with life.
ReplyDelete*ICLW*
That's beautiful. Good for you.
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW
Lovely pics!
ReplyDeleteGlad you were able to have some "YOU" time and come to some acceptance with life after your sweet girl.
*ICLW*
I would have to agree that sometimes taking a new path can bring you to a new place.
ReplyDeleteSometimes we forget what it's like to live and enjoy life again. I'm glad that you got to taste some fabulous wine and enjoy yourself.
I'm so very sorry for the loss of Caitlin. ((HUGS))
~ICLW
Beautiful. I'm glad you took the time to "wine". :)
ReplyDeleteICLW
That looks so amazing! Glad you got to have some fun!
ReplyDeleteICLW
I am so glad you had a good time. I'm glad you let yourself just be and soak in the moment. It doesn't mean you ove your daughter less and I'm glad you knew that!
ReplyDeleteLove to you, Lindsay
what a powerful post. you are indeed a survivor, with courage enough to veer off the beaten path. and virginia and wineries, who knew? thank you for sharing your thoughts and pictures.
ReplyDeleteICLW