Wednesday, February 25, 2009

My Personal Economic Stimulus Plan in Play Today

So, I have to go to the dentist today. I don't like it, so I decided that the rest of the afternoon will involve putting into play my personal economic stimulus plan--translation: I go shopping. I don't like shopping either, so I start with Starbucks (insert "Sound of Music" melody . . . a very good place to start . . .). Mmmmm $3+ coffee and one of those new turkey bacon sandwiches-that ought to help. I sit at a table and write some letters--yes letters that require stamps to help the post office succeed financially and stay open on Fridays. Then off to the shoe store, for the shopping. I wander the aisles, try on a few shoes, and then get irritated that I look the profile of the typical shoplifter (middle aged white female) because when the third extra-smiley employee interrupted my quest for shoes I don't need, I was certain that DSW would not benefit from my spending plan. But, alas, I did what was right and left with a pair black low-healed shoes. On, to the book store for more wealth spreading.

I go to the music rack and pick up "Classic Songs" a book of lyrics to songs. This irritates me too, because I'm so frustrated with this culture that doesn't have the music literacy to know a tune by just looking at lyrics, but I digress. I open the book and Caitlin sings this song to my heart:

Farewell, Mother Dear

Farewell! Mother dear, I go,
Where loved ones never can be parted.
We will meet again I know.
Be not weeping and downhearted.

Last night I dreamed of thee,
Saying pleasant things to me,
Still again those vigils keep,
While I lay me gently down to sleep.

Weep not mother dear for me,
When I'm laid underneath the willow
I'll keep guard upon thy soul,
Thou hast guarded over my pillow,
Far in a radiant land,
I will join a sister band,
They are singing a sweet refrain,
I am called, Farewell! We meet again.

I put the tiny book under my arm and find a chair to slump in and think, "thanks baby girl." I start to think that she misses me, too. Heaven may be nice, but her mama isn't there. So, she finds a way to nestle her head into my breast and sing a spirit song to my soul. I hear the lyrics again. I continued my shopping and find another book, "My Mother Gave me the Moon"

My mother gave me the moon.
My mother gave me the stars.
My mother gave me security.
My mother gave me warmth.

I'm unable to continue reading and I gently place the book back in it's place. Then as I walked out, I pick up a children's book about caterpillars and lovingly wandered through the pages until the last turn reveals ten beautiful butterflies.

I no longer question when I experience these signs or visits or memories or coincidences or whatever one chooses to label them occur. They are important ways of living for me and parenting the memory of my child as she parents my heart. Save a place in that sister band for me, daughter!

And that ends my personal stimulus plan day.


  1. That sounds like the perfect stimulus plan day! :)

    What a wonderful visit from your precious Caitlin. It brought tears to my eyes(the good kind). I agree with you, I believe our children miss us and love us dearly, and that even though heaven is a nice place, they will enjoy it more when we are reunited.

    Your post was especially touching to me this evening. I am a lover of song lyrics, and just last night heard a song that I am certain my daughter was singing to my heart and soul. I even started drafting a post about it in the middle of the night. Interesting...the possibility that both our daughters have been singing to us recently. Wonderful.

  2. Sounds like a great stimulus plan day to me! I need one of those!

  3. What a sweet song to find, a thoughtful gift from Caitlin. Sometimes it is best to feel, accept and not question - just keep an open heart.

  4. "Thanks Baby Girl"

    I have said this more times than I can count in the last eight years. She is so here - and brings so much, just like your Caitlin.

    She may not want you to week - but boy did I reading those lyrics.

    I absolutly loved this post. Thanks.

  5. Your posts never fail to touch my heart. The lyrics of Farewell, Mother Dear, put a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing those beautiful lyrics and your evolving path of grief.

  6. I was drawn to your expression of parenting the memory of your child. I think that's beautiful.