Thursday, February 12, 2009
Making the Best of Everything. Really?!?
Some time ago, I wrote about the oft repeated phrase, "Everything happens for a reason," a phrase, that I believe is misspoken and misunderstood as a life truth. In fact, it is that everything happens can be reasoned. My contention is that we got it wrong, because we have the ability to make sense of what occurs, we make the mistake of believing that it was "supposed" to happen that way to begin with. There is nothing that will more clearly show the error in this leap to fantasy, than the death of a child.
Well, I'm back to tackle a sister phrase, if you will, of, "Everything happens for the best." I don't think I'll need to spend as much time on this. You only need to replace the words "Everything" with your child's name followed by death to experience the ridiculousness of this phrase, another phrase that many like to spout off as another life truth.
My ability to see that all that happens can be reasoned, and that we can find meaning in all that we endure is strong, but I cannot make a case for Caitlin's death happening for the best. I cannot make the best out of Caitlin's death. I can only endure, make meaning of her death in my life, make peace with the reality of her death, open my arms and heart to living again, but, I cannot in anyway reconcile to making the best out of her death or believing that everything happens for the best. For each of these words have the sheen and texture of pearls, but Caitlin's death broke that strand of pearls, and as they dropped from my hands into the sea of grief, they revealed their true nature--that of dense balls of sand that dissolve in salty water.