Tuesday, February 24, 2009

ICLW Reflection

First, welcome ICLW bloggers! This is my first time participating, and I'm a bit overwhelmed and humbled by the comments so many of you leave, thank you. You have lifted my spirits and validated many of my emotions. I'm also stunned with the variety of bloggers out there. After three days, I find that I can usually connect with anyone no matter their waypoint in their life journey. But, I have also encountered some fear so I thought I would pose a couple of questions and wonderings, and welcome your responses.

1. I wonder when I visit a mommy-to-be if she is made uneasy that I don't have a living child. I worry that pregnant mom of week 12, 20, or 36 doesn't want to read a comment from a bereaved mommy.

OK, turns out I have just that primary fear. It's just that I haven't been able to comment on some blogs, because I'm afraid to.



  1. I hear you, although I hear the larger concept.

    You know - the experience makes the connection. Loss connects loss, infertility connects infertility..etc.

    I used to struggle to comment on IF blogs as THAT was never my struggle, but I realized we are in this together, hence the ALI community. Adoption - Loss - and Infertility, with the eventual goal of parenthood!

    If someone is on this ICLW list chances are they know one of these experiences and can relate to our primal emotions and fears.

    Whew- sorry - totally hijacked that comment section. Glad to have found you!!

  2. :) dont be afraid!

  3. Personally some of my best bloggy friends are babylost mamas, including those like Cara with living children as well as several without living children.

    I suppose that if I was a naive fertile pregnant woman I might not want to hear about the bad things that could happen, but no one on the ICLW list should be blind to the realities of loss.

    I say, comment away!

  4. Wow.

    As for myself, I can tell you, NOT AT ALL. I've been TTC for four years with one miscarraige and a lot of BFN's. We did our second IUI Monday, so I am waiting to see how it will turn out. Having someone like you visit and/or comment IN NO WAY worries me. I often make a bit of the same reference as to pregnant friends or friends TTC, like they might be afraid that infertility is contagious as well.

    I think it's amazing that you are doing this blog. I am so sorry for your loss. On the other hand, I really admire that you are writing about it, and remmebering your child. That is so beautiful.

    Now I'm off to read some of your posts!

    Very pleased to meet you,

  5. Thanks all for your encouragement. Fear sometimes wins, but you've given me some sustenance to push through it. Peace.

  6. I may be out of the loop here, what the heck is ICLW??

  7. Amy,

    If you click on the pink button with the puppy on the left of my blog, you'll come to the site that explains it better than I. But, here's my explanation--it's a group of mostly women who agree to visit each other's blogs and leave supportive comments. Most of the blogs seem to be women struggling with infertility, though there are some bereaved mommies out there too. It's another way to connect with each other. Peace.

  8. I am sorry for you loss. Thank you for finding me through ICLW. I know what you mean. I feel sometimes I should not comment, either because I have not been TTC as long as the blogger or because I have not lost like you and you would not want me to comment as I can not fully understand what you are going through. I have now realised that all comments and support are good and although we all go through different things, no journey is the same, just the finishing goal.
    Sorry, realised that was a ramble, hope you understand what I was trying to say!!

  9. I am very sorry for your loss. I am a mommy-to-be (39 weeks)and I would not be uneasy by you commenting.

    My IRL best friend lost her child at 20 weeks just 5 weeks ago. She said she was afraid to tell me because she didn't want me to think she was bad luck.

    Your list of 25 things was so touching.