A Fifth Season is a place of pause to grieve the death of my first and only child. A season characterized by reflection on the big stuff and the little stuff that this mom encounters as I parent the memory of my child, and my child, in loving return, parents my heart.
Monday, January 12, 2009
On the Inside Looking Out
I'm happy for others. It comes easy to me. The joy of others does not diminish me. But there will always be the feeling of being on the inside looking out, when I am among mothers and mothers-to-be.
A mother of a child who lives in heaven simply cannot participate fully. She can share stories of pregnancy and birth, but it's hard to tell those stories when others may recoil because they know your baby is dead. Or listen with fear for she may mention that her baby died. They may squirm with discomfort when a tear comes to her eye in honor of her baby. So, she smiles and remains on the inside looking out.
[Another of my pics from France illustrates my thoughts today. I don't find it odd, just natural that everything I looked at I saw through these eyes of mother of child gone too soon.]
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Your pictures and thoughts are beautiful, thank you.
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