Friday, January 16, 2009

Boils down to this

I just wrote this long treatise on how I was feeling about other mothers and other babies and after writing and agonizing over the exact words and analogies and self-psychotherapy, I found that it all boils down to this:

I want to be a mother with a living baby and not just any living baby, I want my daughter Caitlin back, breathing and heart beating.

And, I'm not writing or thinking anymore. There will be no reason, instead I just need to stew in this desire, this impossible dream. I just need to be here. 

1 comment:

  1. You are in my thoughts and prayers as you make your journey. I sincerely appreciate what you wrote about your daughter. I feel that way about my daughter. While I have had 3 children since losing my daughter, it doesn't lessen my desire to have her back. Thank you for your beautiful words today.