I got nothin’
No pretty words
No elegantly laced descriptors
Of this tragedy
This stupid death
Yuck.
The feelings that emerge
Are sticky and move
Out of me like sludge
I need water from another time
To wash this wound
Ugh.
Is the numb reaction I have to
Others’ words now AND
The dumb insensitive things
They do
Don’t they know
This Sucks
I need fire from another time to
Burn away this skin
So I may live in another
I need earth from another time
Where she lives
With me
Only Starlight from another time
could guide me to her
Only a healing Song from the very
Wind of her soul
Will soothe mine
[I wrote this some time ago, but often come back to feeling those same three sentiments, yuck, ugh, & this sucks. But using those words belies the profound nature of the work of grief. It is as deep as one can imagine, yet words can't express it, and still we are made to try.]
I want to thank you for your blog. And this post . . . sometimes I really feel this way, too. I try to move forward with courage and purpose, and that helps me, but there are times when life without my son simply sucks and there are "no pretty words" for it.
ReplyDeleteHolding the memory of our babies . . .
Jessie