It's morning and I have much to do, but I long for a day to ruminate, to dream, to write, and to be with my daughter in a mindful way. I'm truly irritated that I must work and how that work pulls me away from grief. When Caitlin first died, this grief threatened to engulf all of me and leave nothing of worth. Now I need my grief to feel worth. Another paradox of this journey.
Your blog this morning really speaks to me. For months I've been embracing my work as a source of meaning and purpose. I've thrown myself into it as though it could save me. But for the last few days I have suddenly felt that I didn't have the energy to put toward it.
ReplyDeleteI've been grieving in such a proactive way, striving to learn and grow from this. But now I feel that if I keep pushing myself to grieve well, I might just end up having a mental breakdown.
I want to be quiet and still and alone and see what happens. I really like what you said about being with Caitlin in a mindful way. I have not been making time to be with Sage like that.
Thank you for your writings. -Jessie
I wanted to share with you a beautiful website that my friend Carly has put together. It's called "TO write their names in the sand"
ReplyDeleteIf you click on my blog, it's in my reader over to the right. She writes the names of loved one's that have passed on, and than e-mails the picture on so that you can print it out and frame it or do whatever you choose with it. I thought you might be interested in this. I get such peace from visiting this site:) I hope and pray you are doing well! Warmly, Melissa
It's me again. I just realized that Carly already wrote your sweet girls name in the sand. Sorry. I'm praying that you'll feel the worth you long for in the grief that you face daily. Warmly, Mel
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mel. I love Carly's site. Very beautiful and I visit Caitlin's name in the sand along with so many others frequently. The music enhances the loving reflection of our children's lives. Thanks for suggesting. It's worth a repeat mention!
ReplyDeleteI keep trying to leave a comment on your blog and say hi, but it never seems to work for me.
ReplyDeleteNow I don't know what I wanted to say other than that I'm reading your blog. I especially like your post "Everything Can Be Reasoned".
I'm sorry we have to walk this path together. :(