Thursday, April 16, 2009

Editing without Deleting My Own Thoughts

This blog has been a tool for me to use in pausing and reflecting and allowing myself to grieve as I need. I reread my posts on a frequent basis, and when I wait a day, I sometimes have this experience that I'm looking inside my thoughts from another point of view.

Without deleting my own thoughts, I wish to edit, rather to clarify.

Saying that I don't connect with God's loss of his only son, is not dismissing the magnitude of God, rather it's bigger than that. It is so far beyond my understanding that my lame attempt to use my human feelings to connect do not aid me in the least. And when others suggest a human connection, I can't wrap my brain around it. I chose to focus on a connection that I can make, that with a bereaved mother. I did not focus on the significance of who Mary's son is historically or according to my religious tradition, because that would take me into proselytizing and this blog is not about preaching or witnessing to others about belief. Part of this grief journey includes making sense by taking all the broken pieces of me--mind, body, & spirit--and refashioning them to fit in new ways--beautifully painful ways. I'm comfortable with both reason and religion and so while I may include religion, I will do my best not to preach it.

In short--I love that song, and I think it can speak beyond a particular faith or belief, and I don't know why I felt it necessary to begin with a religious discussion. Well, actually I do know why--it's because I am incapable and unwilling to shed the essence of who I am and where I came from. Which brings me to song #2. And I would change just one line: "I am Caitlin Anne's Mother" (Well, and I'm not young either, so that lyric would have to change too--heh heh).


  1. I definately view Mary in a different way than before... in December I read a verse in which an angel told Mary that a sword would pierce her own soul too and that resonated with me. I think you said it well too- " taking all the broken pieces of me...." I know I'm trying to figure out how everything fits together now.

  2. Every time I see a picture of you with Caitlin I just melt. Yes - that song fits...isn't amazing just how many do now with just a few words transcribed?


  3. The picture of you and Caitlin is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.