It felt wonderful to give her gifts, to see nurses, staff, doctors, and others who knew her and us, and meet those who hadn't met her. I would have loved to have seen and hugged every nurse who cared for Caitlin, but I must admit, it would have done me in emotionally.There is healing in giving and we were happy to do this, and were so grateful that friends and family contributed and helped make it a truly special day for our family.
DH and I reflected on Caitlin's Gifts and our visit the rest of the day and next. The drive back from the hospital was bittersweet. i couldn't help but think, that once again I was leaving the hospital without my baby. I watched some families with newborns in their car seats, with balloons in hand and out the door to home. And I couldn't help but stare at them in wonder. "How does that happen?--to take a live baby home, so odd." I kept watching and wondering, "what is that like?" The families were so happy, but they looked like it was all quite normal. And I felt like an outsider, an alien, and a stranger to life with this distracted thought, "how odd."
Interesting how I went into my pregnancy saying "if nearly 7 billion people can do this, so can I". Now, like you, I wonder how people ever leave the hospital with a living child. How is that done? What is that like? I only know sad reality of driving home with tears of sorrow and walking into a silent house. To me, it is odd that people leave with a new born strapped safely into the car seat. Odd and incredibly lucky.
ReplyDeleteAmy
Wow. What an amazingly generous and courageous thing to do with Caitlin's gifts! Many of Benjamin's are packed away now, and the rest were returned to the store, using the money for his headstone.
ReplyDeleteI love that you did this! Caitlin must be so proud of her wonderful mother!