Monday, September 3, 2012

Grief Invited In

I wrote this yesterday for Caitlin's birthday. 

Our daughter, Caitlin Anne, would be 5 today. Absence makes Herself present again with memories of what should be--Sending off an excited 5-year-old ready for numbers, songs, and ABCs to Day 1 Kindergarten fortified with Mama's hugs and kisses, and pink backpack with juice box and Crayola box of 8. 

Today's a day of reflection, of a bereaved mother's imaginings of an alternative universe where her child lives. 

Those who love us wish to take the sorrow away, but Grief is best invited in and Absence best honored with Love's tears.

I spent the day crying, texting and talking with family, and writing an article about nursery rhymes. I experienced another of those common sad, yet comforting ironies.While looking for a particular source, I encountered another scholar who had accessed the source I was looking for. The access date was Caitlin's death date. I interpreted it as a hug from beyond, her way of letting me know she's with me in all I do.


  1. Happy Birthday Caitlin, thinking of you xo

  2. A hug to you and a birthday smile for Caitlin. I'll think of you when the yellow busses start rolling around here later this wee. I should be sending a kindergartner off this year too. It's so easy to imagine five in some ways yet so hard to believe it's been five years.

  3. How is it your little Caitlin would be FIVE already? And my Liam too in just a few weeks? Five seems like such a big milestone and is hitting hard. Remembering your beautiful girl with you as you cry for her and invite grief in. (((hugs)))

  4. Goodness, 5 whole years? Such a long time to be without your sweet Caitlin and yet the blink of an eye.

    "Those who love us wish to take the sorrow away, but Grief is best invited in and Absence best honored with Love's tears."

    So so true.

    I'm thinking of you and your beautiful girl.


  5. I'm so sorry Caitlin isn't here to celebrate her birthday as a living, breathing 5 year old. She was just beautiful. <3 precious baby <3

  6. This is the phrase I keep coming back to. 'How the years pass without you, I just don't know.'

    Remembering your dear daughter, precious Caitlin Anne. How I wish you were waving her off to school, with Crayolas and a juice box.