Sunday, September 30, 2012

Not About Me

It's hard to think that it's not about me. Her cancer that is. My dear and best friend's cancer. It's her's. The road, the journey, the chemo, the fear, and the hope, and yet, it's hard not to focus on what I might lose, again. Another close, soul-mate kind of friend who gets the struggles and the joys that make me me is walking a path that serendipitously intersects with my own. The times we've walked together we've shared in big and small life revelations. I suppose it's no different than how it was before, only now the wonder of where her steps may take her is laced with fear. It's about her, supporting and staying positive, making phone calls, sending a meal, a card, a text, a hug, and avoiding the "you shoulds," the "whys," the "god's plan" and the like. It's about her, but it feels like it's about me. She's decided to "choose joy," and has asked me to do the same. I'll try. Though, I feel like defeat, not joy, has chosen me.


  1. Right there with you. I try to choose the latter, over and over again, but always seem to end up with the former.

    Hoping for your dear friend. And for you. xo

  2. Hugs, friend.
    My new helpful Mary Oliver quote...I will share it with you, because she helps me so. She seems to speak to the bereaved and grieving so well.

    “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”

    The gifts we never wanted. But still, we are learning things we could learn no other way.