Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Bumper Sticker Rage

"My baby was born at home"

---Big 'effin deal. My baby is dead. She was born and then she died.  My bumper sticker should read:
My baby was born in a hospital where they repaired her heart
Consider editing your bumper sticker, perhaps . . .  
"I'm grateful my baby is alive."

Expressions of superiority suck, and are usually evidence of naivete or an inability to consider other points of view.

OK, rage released. Sorry if I offended home-birthers. I'm sure parents who want a more natural entry into this world for their babies are passionate about home birth. I'm sure it feels like an accomplishment for their children to be born at home. From my angle, it's an accomplishment for any child to be home alive.


  1. As a planned home birther, I am not offended in the least. We had to transfer to the hospital for non-emergency reasons and my sweet Andrew was born at a hospital that unfortunately didn't have a NICU. He lived for 13 days.

    I hear you on the naivete bit. After our experience, I am amazed that any baby is born okay. So many things can go wrong and undetected. My sister has been a doula for the past few years and has since stopped since Andrew died. Our whole outlook on birth has changed. My labor was 100% normal...it hurt because I chose to do it without pain medication, but it was normal nonetheless. Up until the very last second when it was very abnormal. There were no signs of any thing wrong until he came out not breathing with almost no heart rate.

    All this rambling to say...who cares if you offend anyone. I respect that every one has there own THING, but all that matters is a healthy baby at the end and we didn't get that. We have a right to be uncensored in our blogs.

  2. I share your sentiments exactly, and then some, but I'll be nice :) Hugs, Nan xxx

  3. ha.that made me smile. I think and say stuff like this all the time, often ending with a look of confusion from DH..as if he doesn't understand how in the world I could think such things..true story 'my daughter is teething and being soo bad, I am about to give her away' Me~ my daughter is dead, I'll take yours..don't say crap like that..in a perfect world there would be more common sense or PC-ness for those not fortunate enough to keep their children.. anyhow..I feel it too..think most BLM's do..xoxo

  4. How about:

    "I drank for two years after my baby died and now I'm mostly sober."

    "I am still heartbroken that my baby died but I get up and go to work everyday anyway."

    I think it is an accomplishment plus luck when a baby is born alive. It is a great accomplishment to try to live a meaningful life after your baby has died.

  5. Well said. Debates over breast vs. bottle, epis vs. natural seem ridiculous to me now. Making sure the baby is breathing & alive is all that matters to me. The rest is personal choice. Cannot believe there is a bumper sticker such as that!

  6. I can understand the trigger. There are many IF-related things that still get me and sound superior, even though they probably aren't meant to.

    XOXO to you.

  7. Agreed 100%.

    So many people don't know how lucky they were even to have the luxury of making the decision regarding where/how their child was born.

  8. Oh that would have enraged me too.

  9. (((hugs))) to all. Thanks for not skewering me, and being my "net" instead. : ) Sometimes, things like this send me over the edge. I'm sure mom is happy and feeling good that she may be promoting more home births. But sometimes the message intended is NOT the message received.

  10. I think Lindsey is SO right. At times, I don't post something because it might offend my mother in law...but I did anyways, because I felt like I needed to be as honest as I could about the loss of my son. The bad and the ugly, and the VERY ugly...since there is NO good from it...

    People like to do word vomit, and I'd like to throw it back at them.


  11. Sometimes the assumptions and assuredness of some people astound me. The belief that everything happens for a reason and bad things only happen when we don't focus our energies and had we been more attuned to our selves and our souls, tragedy and loss could have been prevented.

    I'm terribly sorry, lady with the bumper sticker. It just doesn't work that way.

    My feelings on home birth are ambivalent. My feelings on expressions of superiority are clear. They suck.

    I know someone who is planning a home birth this month, someone who has been pretty smug about it. On her FB (which, yes, I know, I should not be reading) she said she felt people who shared their negative birth stories with her were being "at best, thoughtless." Because how dare anyone surround her with anything other than puppy dogs and rainbows? I am sure the people she is referring to are not trying to scare her, or rain on her parade, they are trying to make it clear that sometimes things do not happen the way you intend and sometimes you have no control over the things that are happening to you, even when they are in your own home.

    Sigh. You are so right. Sometimes the message intended is NOT the message received.

  12. Oh I totally agree. What a stupid bumper sticker! Who cares where the baby born to the driver in front of you on the motorway was delivered?

    I can't bear smugness.