Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Before the Snow Covers


After leaving the only holiday party she had the courage to attend, and enduring the traditional tunes with "I'll be home for Christmas" and "I'll have a blue Christmas without you," she realizes that the impending Noreaster threatens more than a safe ride home. It threatens to cover her daughter's stone and may prevent the opportunity to visit before celebrations and travels commence. So before the snow covers it, she drives to the cemetery, well aware that this behavior falls squarely under the heading of "crazy bereaved mother." And owning this label, she drives into the dark cemetery, kneels and whispers, "I'm sorry sweet baby girl. I miss you. I love you." She kisses her daughter's stone and allows a feeling of relief to sweep over her, knowing she made it before the snow covers and hides where her daughter is buried with its white blanket.


"My daughter is buried here," she explains to the police officer who prevents her incident-free exit. "I know I'm not supposed to be here after dark, and I'm on my way out, but I just had to visit before the snow covers." "OK, then, have a good night," he replies and drives on. Her tears fell in equaled furry to the snow.

14 comments:

  1. Ah, I think this goes under the label of "Mother". I'm so glad you got to see your daughters grave before the snow came.

    Wishing you a peaceful holiday.

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  2. My tears are falling with yours. Because I can vividly see myself doing the exact same thing. ((Hugs)) honey. Wishing you peace.

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  3. me too--the exact same thing. mother love is fierce and desperate at times. hugs and hugs to you and beautiful baby girl.

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  4. You are not crazy. Jayden was buried Dec. 8th last year. The first time I went to the cemetery we'd had some inclement weather and I remember how horrified I was to see a layer of ice over the bare dirt. Even though I knew he had no idea...I still could not escape the idea that he was cold and I was so glad we'd slipped his bunny blanket in with him. Say yeah, logic doesn't even play here. We're all mothers and grandmothers who miss our little ones and there's nothing crazy about that.

    Many hugs to you...

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  5. I don't know what to say except this made me cry and the lame and fruitless I wish she were home for the holidays, not only in your dreams. I always leave a handprint in the snow on top of Henry's grave when I visit in winter.

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  6. So Beautifully written. Tears for you caitsmom and wishes for a gentle christmas for you x

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  7. Not crazy at all. I'm so glad you were able to visit Caitlin's stone before the snow covered it. Wishing you peaceful holidays.

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  8. The photograph of your message in the snow just breaks my heart. I'm glad that you arrived before the snow had covered Caitlin's grave. xo

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  9. I know many parents who have brought snow shovels to the cemetery to clear away the snow from their child's marker. Glad the policeman was the understanding sort!

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  10. We do what we need to do. I tell myself this when I worry about my actions seeming "crazy bereaved mother"

    Big (((((hugs))))

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  11. I see no crazy here. I'm sorry for another holiday without your daughter in your arms. Thinking of you...

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