Thursday, March 26, 2009

"Magic" by Thomas Wolfe


And who shall say --
Whatever disenchantment follows--
That we ever forget magic,
Or that we can ever betray,
On this leaden earth,
The apple-tree, the singing,
And the gold?

I have no idea to what disenchantment Wolfe speaks of, but for me the horrors of Caitlin's death threatened to make me forget the joys of life and the magic of the ordinary. That she lived, that she gave me the gift of motherhood, that she looked into my eyes and saw her mother and heard her mother's songs, is for me the "gold."

Peace. May all find what is gold in their ordinary lives.


  1. I'm glad you were able to find that gold.


  2. From the time we received my daughter's diagnosis, until the day I delivered her, I told everyone that if I could just hold her for a moment while she was alive, then I could survive her death. I told my family that if she were stillborn, they would have to bury me beside her because I would not be able to live my life having never had my baby look into my eyes and know who her mother was. Her stillbirth tormented me for years. "Disenchantment" most certainly threatened everything about me, including my very life.

    Amazingly, I too have found "gold". It isn't at all what I was hoping for. And, there are still days when I wish my "gold" were something different. But, I have made peace with my "gold", with my apple-tree, and the singing of other songs. I remember the beauty of my pregnancy (pre-diagnosis), the last time she kicked, and the person my daughter has helped me become.

    Thank you for sharing this post. From one mother to another, I am thankful you too have found "gold". I have a hard time ever choosing a favorite of yours, but this could be it.

  3. Thank you for your support. I think he found the blog. Things have been escalating, but I am safe. I will let you know when I have a chance to set up a new blog.

  4. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful post. I too am glad you found the "gold."


  5. What a beautiful, simple poem. It's so important to remember the gold, because the grief does threaten to overtake all that is and was good and pure.

  6. I am new to your blog but your words are inspiring and immensely touching.

  7. This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it with me. I can't help but agree- there are things that happen to people, and I have no concept of how much you grieve for your little Caitlin, that almost take away our capacity for joy. I am so glad you still have that light inside of you.