I have no pretty words tonight, though I do have some wonderings. I wonder about the listlessness that prevades. I think about what tasks I must do as if I were some disinterested bystander. Nothing seems to matter much, and even so, I can hear someone screaming in the background, "Get up." And the voice sounds a lot like mine.
I have no pretty words tonight, though I do have images floating before my eyes. My baby in her crib with the red bars. My baby in her white coffin with her pink dress. My husband's look of concern directed toward me as these images float into each other in my mind. And then the images become emotion in shape and color.
I have no pretty words tonight, though I do have melodies that roll around in my ears. Lullabies, hymns, and silly songs, are there, but so too are the new songs--the songs of grief and mourning. Some express pain, others hope, and others a story, but all are new and don't quite express it all.
I have no pretty words tonight, just "I miss you" and "I love you."
And there seem to be no other sounds in symbol that my mind can fashion.
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